Learning How To Be Loved…


I confess…

I don’t know how to do it…

I don’t understand it…

I expect to have to earn love…

And I’m not very good at it…

Because I don’t perform well all the time…

And that’s a problem…

When you’re performing for love…

When your ‘lover’ is really a task master…

When your best is never good enough…

When guilt is the gage of your efforts and constantly says…

“This could have been better…

That was just so close, but…

Not quite there…”

The exercise wheel of perfection has a motor on it, and…

It doesn’t stop when your legs are tired…

It keeps moving…

Until your steps stumble…

And you begin to tumble…

Head over heels…

You get used to it…

Begin to expect it…

Even stumble purposefully, because…

You know its only a matter of time…

So…

There you are…

Stumbling…

Tumbling…

Always waiting for the other shoe to drop…

“They will find out…

I am so not worth it…

Its only a matter of time…”

But…

Slowly…

Imperceptively…

Somebody comes into the room…

Or several somebodies…

And they are patient…

Take you where you are…

Actually seem to like you…

Even love you…

See the worth in you even when you…

Wrap your gifts with denial…

They see something in you…

Uniquely you…

They say pleasant things…

Understand what you hope is true…

And tell you…

And keep telling you…

Even when you are skeptical…

Keep telling you…

Until…

Slowly…

You begin to believe…

And it begins to dawn on you…

That their voices aren’t just their own…

The tone…

The timbre…

Is similar…

From person to person…

And it might be…

It just might be…

You might just be hearing…

For the first time…

The voice of another…

Lover…

Voice…

After…

Voice…

Until…

You begin to understand…

You begin to believe…

You begin to feel…

The voice of…

God…

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