Remembering the Good…


Tomorrow, Greta will pick me up, and we will go to the Jackson County, Missouri Courthouse for court. At 1:30, we will go before a judge who will make legally official our divorce. Neither of us have been through this before.  It will be a strange day in a strange week. It is the best thing for both of us. Many of you reading this won’t understand that statement. However, I can say definitively, that God is part of the decision and process. God loves both of us and desires our good. Going forward seperately is the best option for us to live healthy lives. I trust Him and believe in his provision for both of us.

But…

I hate endings. I think I always have. Whether it be a book, a football season, a year in school, or a move. I’m always filled with memories of the good left behind. Maybe that comes from early childhood years spent in evangelism, constantly moving from one church to another in weekly partitions of time. I was kind of a shy kid. It took me awhile to meet other kids my age. Many times, I would come to know a few kids with only two or three days left in one city before it was time to move on. I hated that. I didn’t really make intimate friends that way, and lived on a pretty surface level relationally. As I got older, we stayed put longer, and I got a little better at making friends.

Still… I hate endings.

But tonight, I will capture my good memories lived with the person I’ve lived longest with. I have learned a lot about myself through Greta. We married young, at least for us, and our relationship was very fundamental in shaping the way we each see life.  We cared about other people. Actually, that was one of the things that attracted me to her. She liked to be around other people and loved to laugh. I appreciated that. We always were involved in music. We would sing together in whatever church we attended. I’m a tenor, and she is an alto, so it worked well… although I still have a bruise in my ribs from the elbow she would jab me with during congregational singing when I jumped to the alto part rather than the boring tenor part. We always discussed theological concepts, and how the church could be a greater help to the spiritual growth of people, and how it could really be Jesus in the community in which it lived.

We were a creative team. Our creativity kind of fed off each other. We each like to write. We recognized the writing talent of each other, and encouraged each other to continue to write.  We also loved to put our unique stamp on a new house into which we would move. I learned from Greta, that I have a natural feel for color and interior design. Early in our marriage, she taught me how to cross-stitch. We would sit at home watching “This Old House” or Monday Night Football and both cross-stitch…. and yes, I was good at it! (I don’t anymore because my eyesight has become middle-aged.) And I helped her become a sports fan. She is a Chiefs fan and Jayhawk basketball fan, now. She knows that anytime a receiver can get a hand on a pass then he should catch it. She knows that offensive lineman are very intelligent.

We also became involved in musical drama later in our marriage. When we lived in Delaware, she played the lead role in “From Heaven’s Throne,” a Christmas musical. Her part was that of the narrator telling and singing the Christmas story as seen from the perspective of the angels. She did an incredible job as the character carrying the musical from beginning to end. In the spring of the next year, I had the lead in the Easter musical in the same church. I had never memorized such an extensive part, so was nervous. Her behind the scenes support, which also entailed listening to me rehearse lines with a tape until I know she must have known my part as well as or better than I, helped me become my character.

I could tell of the births of two children, of first Christmases, of parenting teens… which we loved…, of working with teens and college age young adults, of the many road trips we took during good and difficult times, of shared conversations that brought deeper understanding to us of our personal strengths and weaknesses.

We will always share a bond of two children we raised together. We will always share a faith in God. We each will share a need to forgive and receive forgiveness from the other.

And we each will pray for and hope for the best life possible for the other…

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3 thoughts on “Remembering the Good…

  1. This is extremely difficult for you I’m sure, I’m just at a bit of a loss to understand that after all you’ve been through together you’re both willing to move on separately with your lives. Of course I don’t know the details, but you two seem to have something worth salvaging, I mean, you don’t hate each other right? But beyond that, who will you share all the memories of your lifetime with in the years to come? I wish you both the Best of luck!

  2. Thanks Bill and Alton. Court was mercifully quick. Then Greta and I ran some errands we both had for the rest of the day.

    Alton, if you would like some additional information regarding the ending of our marriage, feel free to check out my backlog of posts. You could also check my-now-former-wife’s blog:
    http://www.mylifeasg.wordpress.com
    The last 3 and one-half years have been especially difficult. The former 20 weren’t easy either. But we stubbornly kept trying. The marriage died in 2006. I didn’t want to accept it for most of the past 3 years, but I finally not only accepted the divorce but also found myself choosing it, as well. I am getting healthier and rebounding. I never expected to be here… never imagined it, but here I am. God is here, so here is good. I am starting life over, but have the benefit of many life lessons to help me make a different life and help other people as well. While I know my story is far from traditional, God has indeed, written it. I choose to be thankful, and am amazed how He continues to show me depths of himself and of me I have never met before.

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